Should we try for baby no2?

“So it’s here. The next step. The life plan. Two children. That’s what I said, right?”

My life plan has always involved 2 children. 

As a child, I never pictured myself walking down the aisle. It didn’t matter to me to consider if a friend reached bridesmaid status, or what kind of wedding dress I would wear. Being a wife, for me, is a happy consequence of meeting my best friend and falling in love with him.

But, two children – well that’s an entirely different ball game. Even when my significant other was just a fiction of my imagination, a ‘nice to have’ in my life plan, two children has always been the plan. I have always seen myself as a mummy of two. Had I not met my wonderful partner, I’m almost certain that I would be pursuing the plan to have a family on my own. And power to all of you incredible mamas who have done just that.

Fast forward to adulthood, and here I am. I’m 31, a fiancée, and a mother of one exceptional work of art. She has just turned 2 and a half. 

So it’s here. The next step. The life plan. Two children. That’s what I said, right?

So why is it, that the reality brings so many other considerations that I hadn’t thought of?

Our girl, I’m sure like so many other little humans all over the world, sat in your living rooms and causing chaos in your four walls, is the light of our lives. Can I ever dream of loving another like her?

She has bought us endless joy. In her, I have found the greatest friend I have ever had. 

And the truth is, I’m scared to add another into this close-knit bond we have created. Will it harm her in some way, to become a big sister?

Will it change our relationship, when my time is taken up with feeding and contact naps and all of the wonderful milk-soaked tasks that a baby will need? How will I make sure she knows that she is still the centre of our world, when the chaos of those days arrives? How will I make sure that the new baby has the same from me that she had?

But more importantly, how can I not do it again?

Could I ever stand to not have the quiet 4am moment watching eyelids flutter away on my chest, a full tummy and a peaceful sigh? Just me & that precious bundle. Could I stand to never help two little arms and two little legs into a sleepsuit again, or watch the faces of those we love light up the first time we share our precious baby with the world?

How would I feel if I couldn’t see another first smile, hear another first giggle, breathe in that incredible new-born smell? What would life be for me if I didn’t get another chance to chase a crawling baby, to delight in the first roll over and the first steps?

And how will it feel to watch my perfect girl delighting in all of those firsts alongside me?

To have a small and helpful pair of hands to help with soothing, feeding, changing. To watch her face light up when we share her new little sibling with her. To see her become so proud to have someone to call her own?

And I think that’s where I get to, with my decision.

Oh little girl, will you walk this road with me? Mummy & daughter, facing motherhood together. Another thing to bond us even more. I can’t wait for you to be a big sister.