I don’t know if I want to marry him…

Hi Mum Spacers, Today I want to dive into a topic that's been swirling around in my mind like a tornado of emotions: marriage. Yep, that age-old institution that some people can't wait to dive into, while others (like yours truly) find themselves standing on the edge, wondering whether to take the plunge.

Let me set the scene for you. I'm in a wonderful relationship with an amazing person. We've shared countless memories, faced difficult times- highs and lows but built a life that's really lovely. there is a slight problem: marriage is on the horizon, and I find myself teetering on the edge of a commitment that feels simultaneously thrilling and terrifying.

Now, before you start thinking I'm commitment-phobic or anti-marriage, let me assure you, that's not the case. I believe in love, partnership, and lifelong commitment. But there's something about the thought of saying "I do" that has me questioning everything.

One moment, I'm browsing Pinterest for wedding dress ideas, and the next, I'm in the fetal position on the settee, pondering the enormity of the decision before me. It's like standing at the edge of a diving board, unsure whether the water below is a refreshing pool or a shark-infested sea.

So, what's holding me back? It's not a lack of love for the poor guy. It's the fear of the unknown, the uncertainty of whether this is the right path for me. The pressure to conform to societal expectations, the expectations of family and friends, and the ever-looming question of "Is this what I really want?" are like weights on my shoulders.

I've spent countless nights googling phrases like "signs you're not ready for marriage" and "should I marry my partner?" hoping to find the magic article that will provide the answers. Spoiler alert: the internet doesn't have all the answers.

One thing I've come to realise is that it's okay not to have it all figured out. It's okay to be uncertain. Marriage is a significant life decision, and it's perfectly normal to grapple with the weight of it all. I've learned that taking the time to reflect on my own desires, fears, and dreams is essential. It's a journey of self-discovery as much as it is a journey of partnership.

So, here I am, standing at the crossroads of love and uncertainty. Do I take the plunge into the unknown waters of wedded bliss, or do I step back and explore what lies on the unconventional path? Only time will tell, and until then, I'll be here, navigating the twists and turns of love, one uncertain step at a time.