I just found out my husband cheated 10 years ago. Has my relationship been a lie?

Ok ladies, we need to help a Mumma out here…

This was posted anonymously but we really would love you guys to give some advice, has anyone been through this and what did you do?Has anyone forgiven cheating and regretted it? any positive stories you can share, leave them all in the comments as it will really help this lady out!

Hi Everyone… 

Sorry for signing up anonymously but I’m not sure if anyone I know if on here and I’d like abit of help/advice. 

Me and my husband have been together for coming up 20 years, a couple of months ago I found some messages on his phone from a person I was suspicious about years ago. When I questioned it all that time ago I was made to think I was being irrational and they were just work friends… 

Anyway he got a new job and I didn’t hear of her again, fast forward to now, he went out one night with his friends when he got home he’d left his phone on the table and gone to bed anyway I walked into the kitchen and as I did a message flashed up from let’s call her Susan. Now the only Susan I know is this lady from years ago who I got vibes of more than just friends so I did the unthinkable and I looked. 

There was flirty messages passed both ways one in particular comment from my husband to her about their friendship made me think it was more than just banter so I questioned him the next day and he obviously denied it, said I was reading too much into it, he apologised and said he shouldn’t of flirted with her blah blah blah.

A few days later I was still off with him still with questions flying round in my head, we had a big talk and I asked him to be absolutely honest with me, he was and I was crushed.

So the jist is that around 10 years ago stuff happened between them, apparently they didn’t sleep together but other things happened, I’ll leave that to your imagination. So my question is if you found out that over a decade ago your partner cheated would you end it now? We’ve had the best relationship but I feel like the past ten years have been a lie, I can’t stop thinking about it, I still love him but can I get past it, I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

We have teenage children together and he’s all I’ve ever known since I was a teenager, should I suck it up? Forgive and forget? Or am I being stupid? I don’t think he’s ever done anything other than this but how can I be sure? In my eyes the flirty texts are enough to say there would be intent to cheat if the opportunity came about. 

Before this I was so happy in my relationship- my friends always say how lucky I am to have found my person but now I’m not so sure, I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it because I’m absolutely mortified if I’m honest but not telling anyone makes me feel he’s got off Scot free and why should I be the one trying to forgive and forget if it’s going to cost me happiness. 

I should add the messages weren’t constant, when I went back through the message thread started in 2022 up until now but there was only a few messages between them and months in between conversations, some where just idle chit chat about family and how they was doing and then there was the most recent flirty ones which basically confirmed something happened before. 

My gut is telling me he’s not done anything since, we spend all our time together and he works in a sole male environment so unlike before he met her at work there isn’t that opportunity now, he also leaves his phone lying around unattended, isn’t protective of it or showing any signs of secrecy but up until now Iv trusted him 100% so it’s never been an issue for him if you see what I mean. 
I just don’t want to be blindsided but I also don’t want to rush into throwing it all away. God I’m so confused right now. 

Please share your thoughts, advice, stories in the comments below…