Co-parenting tips you need in your life!

Whether you’re a seasoned professional or new to the game, co-parenting can sometimes be frustrating, hard work and mentally exhausting! When my daughter was ten months old, I found myself trying to navigate the world of first-time parenting, solo parenting, and co-parenting all whilst returning to a demanding full-time job. I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t easy, but, now two years in, things are getting better.  

Read on below to discover my top four co-parenting hacks, which will help make your co-parenting journey run a little smoother. 

1) Always Put Your Child First. 

It goes without saying, but your child (or children) should always be the main focus when co-parenting. Whilst you and your ex-partner might hate the sight of each other, if they are a good parent and want to spend time with your child it is not in your child’s best interest to stop them seeing or contacting the other parent. Ultimately, if you are using your child to get back at your ex the only person this is really harming is your child. Do you really want that? 

Top Tip: When considering every coparenting decision thing ‘How will this affect my child?’ If the answer is negatively then think what the best course of action would be to make sure your child’s best interests are taken care of.  

2) Put a plan in place 

 Breakups are tough, but then having to decide how to co-parent on top of that can be even tougher. Unless you and your partner are on the same page, take some time to think about a parenting plan that puts your child’s needs at the center and makes sure they get to spend quality time with each parent. Once you have a plan in place, write it down (there are lots of free parenting plan templates online) so you can both refer to the parenting plan should you need to. 

Top Tip: Going to court can be very costly and take up a lot of time. If you and your ex-partner can’t agree on a parenting plan, try arranging a meeting through a mediator. A mediator will act as the go between and is committed to making sure a contact arrangment is agreed upon. It can sometimes be helpful to have a third party on hand to work out the finer details. 

The government is running a family mediation voucher scheme. Those who are eligible can receive up to £500 towards the cost of mediation. Visit: https://www.gov.uk/guidance/family-mediation-voucher-scheme for more details.  

 3) Let Go of Control 

It can be hard to say goodbye to your child when they go to stay with the other parent. You might be tempted to send them away with a list of dos and don’ts and a schedule for the other parent to follow. And whilst many co-parents will happily work together in the best interests of the child, others won’t and you might find yourself in a situation where they are missing naps, not going to bed at their ‘proper’ time or eating food you would never put on their plate. I’ve learnt from experience, the best way to deal with these situations is to give up control. Chances are if you’ve told them once or twice about a routine or what you’d like them to eat and they are ignoring you, they won’t change at all no matter how angry you get.  

Top Tip: Don’t sweat the small stuff! Going to bed an hour later than normal, skipping a nap or eating an ice-cream is not a deal breaker. However, if you feel an ex-partner's behaviour is putting your child in danger you DO need to take control and remove your child from that situation and make sure they are safe. 

4) Take Some Time For Yourself 

Being a single parent is hard! It is an amazing journey and you feel stronger for it, but it can leave you feeling exhausted, which in turn can make co-parenting battles seem harder. Take some time for yourself each day to fill up your cup so you can be the best co-parent to your child. 

Top Tip! You time is hard to find as a single parent. Try taking an extra-long shower, use screen time to enjoy a well-deserved cuppa and, if you’re lucky enough, ask friends and family to help when they can. Also, use the time when your child is at their other parents to do things you love, such as having fun with friends, going to your favourite exercise class or just catching up on some well-deserved rest.  

Need Help? 

No co-parenting situation is black and white, and some situations can leave you feeling isolated, bullied or alone. Many family law firms offer a free 45-minute consultation call, which is a fantastic way to find out about rights as a single parent and the rights of your child.   

Check out the links below of charities and organisations that will be able to help 

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/ 

https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/ (Charity aiming to help single parents and their children) 

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/ If you have recently left or are thinking of leaving an abusive relationship, Women’s aid can offer you lots of support and advice.  

https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/ Rights for women offer a Family Law helpline  and will be able to help you with any legal coparenting queries.